Understanding the Science and Art of Sharing in Children

Introduction to Sharing

Sharing is a vital skill that all children learn to do in early childhood. However, it is often challenging and can be a frustrating process for parents. However, if the adult approaches it from a developmental standpoint, it might ease anxieties and worries that often accompany the lack of sharing that is observed.

Developmental phases of sharing

At ages two to three, the capacity to share is still growing. It is difficult for children to understand that when they share an object that belongs to them, it will be returned to them.  Similarly, for communal objects, the frequent response to an invitation to share might be “but I took it first”. The belief that having physical possession of the object lends the child the right to enjoy it independently.

As cognitive abilities grow in tandem with social experiences, the child at three and a half is becoming more aware that sharing an object is a temporal event. An object of their possession will eventually be returned to them and that communal objects must be returned to the rightful owner. However, while children are more open to sharing, they require that their permission be sought before sharing takes place.

As the situations for sharing increase, children at four begins to creatively explore different ways of sharing. They might exchange ideas on how to comprise using cleaning materials – “you can spray first and then I’ll wipe with the cloth. But you can only spray twice and then it will be my turn.”

Children at five and six years of age are at a point of transition – they are not quite toddlers but do not yet have the maturity of school going children. Hence, oscillating between egocentricity and cooperative behaviour is a normal occurrence. At times, they can be self-absorbed and at others, they come up with creative ideas for sharing. Sharing extends from objects/toys to ideas, problem solving methods and negotiating with the adult. There is a growing interest in people rather than things. The desire for social connectivity and to belong to a group is stronger, making sharing more observable at a group level. Concurrently, they enjoy one to one sharing with a “special peer” often coming up with ways to collaborate and solve problems.

The neuroscience to sharing

How does sharing occur in a child? Why does it not happen from birth? What is changing/growing in the brain that allows the child to put themselves in the shoes of another so that they are able to empathise and consequently, share?

The mirror neuron system has been posited as the organisation that allows for imitation of what organisms see hence the term “monkey see, monkey do” in behavioural sharing.  These mirror neurons develop in the part of the brain called the Ventral Premotor Cortex that sits in the frontal lobes of the brain. The frontal lobes undergo a long maturation process and does not fully develop till a person is in their twenties. Studies have suggested that it is the area responsible for social flexibility, in part, due to the presence of mirror neurons. Hence, the ability to share is not simply about inculcating the “right” values, but a biological capacity that takes time to mature.

The role of the adult

Seeing your child snatch toys away from others or resist offers to share can at times be anxiety provoking. Thoughts of “will he become selfish? What does this mean about his character? I need to teach him how to think about others” might appear. Anchoring these thoughts back to the developmental capacity of the child rather than his/her moral development can take the heat off. Patience in waiting for a child to learn how to share is key. Role modelling how to share at home is another essential component. Through the Maria Montessori’s absorbent mind, neuroscience’s mirror neurons, the practice of sharing in the home is not “understood” but “absorbed” in totality. The behaviour is completely imbibed and the child incarnates what he has experienced. When the experiences of sharing have had a positive emotional impact on the child, it is also more likely that he will practice the same thing when he is outside the home. Hence, let sharing come naturally from you, the parent, first. Comments such as “You are selfish if you do not share” “Don’t be so greedy and share your snack” “Be a good brother and share with you sister” are ineffective at building a child who truly understands what it means to share. Rather, comments such as these, motivate a child only at a level where they seek your approval. Modelling positive experiences of sharing help the child understand that sharing is for the common good whereas with the latter, sharing is a result of avoiding an unpleasant event (the lack of approval from a parent).

Take the time to share with each other and learn more about mirror neurons - it is an utterly fascinating way to understand the social development of humans. The references are attached below.

References

Brown.edu. (2020). [online] Available at: https://www.brown.edu/Courses/BI_278/Other/Teaching%20examples/biomed-370/syllabus/5-frontal.pdf [Accessed 27 Jan. 2020].

Corradini, A., & Antonietti, A. (2013). Mirror neurons and their function in cognitively understood empathy. Consciousness and Cognition, 22(3), 1152–1161.

Johnson, S. B., Blum, R. W., & Giedd, J. N. (2009). Adolescent Maturity and the Brain: The Promise and Pitfalls of Neuroscience Research in Adolescent Health Policy. Journal of Adolescent Health, 45(3), 216–221.

Morban, D.A.H. , Cruz, N.C.M. (2016). Copying the development: mirror neurons in child development. Medwave 2016 Jun, 16(5), e6466.

Raising Children Network. (2020). Sharing and learning to share. [online] Available at: https://raisingchildren.net.au/toddlers/behaviour/friends-siblings/sharing [Accessed 27 Jan. 2020].

Scholastic.com. (2020). Ages & Stages: Sharing | Scholastic. [online] Available at: https://www.scholastic.com/teachers/articles/teaching-content/ages-stages-sharing/ [Accessed 27 Jan. 2020].